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WHY I STARTED ALL THIS

Here am I. Back at it again. I don’t know where to start or what I should write but I just felt like doing it.

A lot happened since I started blogging. My life. My choices. My mind. All of them have changed. I needed to hide from the world. I needed to be in my zone. Just to heal and regenerate.

theninetieskid x Jonathan Ngoy | WHY I STARTED ALL THIS PT. I

I always thought it would be bad or it would make me feel lonely to isolate myself. But it was not even a lil bit like that.
I learned to love myself. To appreciate me. To respect me. And most importantly to be me.

Sometimes when I’m in my bed at night. I think about everything. About life and shit, you know.

What does it mean to be a human being?

Well, it’s not easy for sure. It’s not always fun. Sometimes you feel weak and defeated. And sometimes you feel sad and lonely. These are packages that come within being a human.

L-O-V-E

The only four letters, that can help you out through this downfall. Love yourself.

For real just be you. Don’t try to be someone else. Be crazy. Be lazy. Watch TV Shows til Netflix starts worrying if you’re still alive.

theninetieskid x Jonathan Ngoy | WHY I STARTED ALL THIS PT. II

Some of you may know me as the blonded guy on Instagram. Well, there is a lot more behind that guy.

He used to be shy.
He thought he was ugly.
He thought he was weak.
He thought he was dumb.
His thoughts were filled with negativity.

On the outside, he was spreading positivity. Making others happy, that was his priority.

I always felt kinda different, to be honest. I felt like I was just putting myself in a place I don’t really belong.

The unhappiness in me was eating me up inside. But I still managed to put my mask on each day. Like everything was ok.

I lost close people. Some died and some parted ways.
Those moments may hurt you a lot but can also build you up stronger.

Time passes. Wound heals.

theninetieskid x Jonathan Ngoy | WHY I STARTED ALL THIS PT. III

I learned a lot. But not enough. You never stop learning.

And through all this time
I had always one close friend
Who was talking to me
He was giving me hints
but I was blind
He was giving me hope
but I had doubts
I should have listened to you a long time ago

– my heart

It’s 2 am and I’m in my thoughts …


Photography by LISA BRANDL

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