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ICON LIVING – GOD TOOK HIS TIME WHEN HE MADE ME

JANUARY 3RD 1995

It all started on the day of my birth. Jonathan Ngoy. The last child of 5 elder siblings. “He gonna have a bright future”. That’s what my family used to say. I don’t know why but I guess it was because of my glasses, or the meaning of my name.

“God’s Gift”
“God has Given”

Mama knew what she was doing. She knew I was something special.

I have realized that the world is full of questions without a precise answer. At that time I just turned 6 and started elementary school. My mind played games with me, which I didn’t really understand. A kid with the spirit of a grown-up man, but all he desired was to grow up, man.

I knew something isn’t right with me. But I didn’t know if I’m the only one who’s feeling like this. All I wanted was just to live. And I did live. I laughed, loved and fought my way through the years.

Life isn’t always great. Reality hit me hard. Life is harsh. It makes you anxious and brings you down.

Well, it’s just a big part of the process, right?

So I had to accept a lot of things. You win some and lose some. Asking why will not bring you the answer you want to hear. It’s easy to say this, but you have to trust the process. The difficulty is there to tease your inner self. You have to keep progressing, no matter what!

I think I found my inner peace and I‘m ready to tell my story. This is a new chapter of growth. Writing this took time. I had to battle myself just to reach this amount of confidence. The words I‘m putting out were stuck in me. But I‘m ready to get rid of them.

01 – 09 – 09

A time I’ll remember my whole life. On this day I have lost a person. Someone who should be close to me but couldn’t be. I have lost a mortal, I was seeking to get to know. A person I would have never let go, but was forced to do so. If I could only control the time. I’ll go back and make everything right …

I hope you doing well
up there
I miss you
god took you from me
that’s the issue
you’re in my heart
I can’t live peacefully
cause I know
I won’t see you anymore
but I’m grown now
I know you can see it
not shy
not holding back
just telling my story
I know you can feel it

Your son,

Jonathan

It was a rough time for me. The year I’ve lost you was the same year I’ve almost lost my life. The timing couldn’t be more perfect. I got surprised with a heart issue I was born with. The amusing part is, it never got detected. What a coincidence.

So questions start popping up my head.

God, is this your punishment?
Do I deserve this?
Will I die?
What did I do wrong?

Like I said the world is filled with questions you can not always answer …

On the outside, it seemed like I was ok with everything but on the inside, I was fighting my worst enemy.

But God had other plans with me. The surgery was successful. I had to give up a lot. I had to change my life. So I started to look for the meaning of my existence.

Life can be really short, you can enjoy it today and be gone tomorrow.

I’m an emotional guy. That’s my strength and weakness. You can recognize it when you read my blog. I have been always in my feelings, but would always suppress them. One day you’ll realize that you’re just a human being. You can not have everything figured out. It’s normal to cry. To be sad. To feel weak.

“I cry a lot
It’s not a weakness
it shows I’ve been through some real shit
that goes real deep”

I asked myself. Why me? Why do I have to go through all this? Am I a bad person? Maybe I do deserve this …

I’m 24 now, almost 10 years have passed, since the surgery. Today I’m a writer/blogger, who’s ready to share his past. I’m not looking for sympathy. No matter what you go through in life you can manage the suffer trust me. Kill your bad habits. Kill your old you, who used to hold you. And you will appreciate and love your life even more.

Now comes the part why I gave this blog post the title „Icon Living“.

Well, I didn’t want to show the people only the bright side of my life. I was never that type of guy. I prefer reality. That’s the reason why I write to express, not impress.

I don’t mind if you don’t understand me. Or better if you don’t want to understand me. But that’s nothing but the truth. Realness is considered a weakness these days.

Let me ask you this
What makes you an Icon?
Your luxuries life?
Flashing camera lights everywhere?
Your style?
Your creativity?
Your way of thinking?

I got an answer to that.

An icon is the best of his art.

I feel like I’m the best at what I’m doing. I feel like an Icon living.

„Nobody knows you but you call yourself an Icon?“

You see what I did there? I know some of you did misunderstand what I meant above. So this goes to all of y’all who like to read between the lines. Interpreting words the way you want, it’s definitely easier than to understand what the person really means, right?

I call myself an Icon to boost my self-confidence up. Cause if I don’t believe in me who will?
You?
Don’t think so.

I’m done explaining or correcting myself. My imperfections make me perfect. I am who I am. I live my life the way I want it. So to Y’all out, there BE YOURSELF, people will always find something to judge so F*kk it and just do you!

The key to an Icon is inner happiness. You have to understand yourself before you can go out there and take what you deserve.

Why aiming for god when we don’t accept to be humans first?

STOP TRYING TO BE GOD.

Your main mission on this planet called earth is nothing else but to fail. Each mistake makes you better, stronger and more intelligent. But only if you’re ready to take it as a lesson rather than a punishment. If you don’t learn from your mistakes it’s your damn problem, so don’t cry when karma hits you.

„Remember your dreams and fight for them. You must know what you want from life. There is just one thing that makes your dream become impossible: the fear of failure.“
– Paulo Coelho

Think what you wanna think. I’ll do what I love to do. I’ll be who I wanna be. If I work hard at it. I’ll be where I wanna be.

God took his time when he made me.

I am theninetieskid

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