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I FEEL LIKE I’M DROWNING

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Can you be happy and feel down at the same time? Or is it just me?

Maybe I‘m just too much in my feelings…

Maybe I‘m just exaggerating…

Do I have confidence in my work? Yes Indeed!

Then why am I scared of the future? Why does anxiety follows me, like I retweet? Why do I put myself in this thoughts?

I feel like a hypocrite when I say “love yourself”, while all I do is doubt myself. For what? 

Blame it on the internet. We can all be someone we always wanted to be. À la Kylie Jenner or Cristiano Ronaldo. 

Put in a picture with a gun and call yourself a gangster. Take a picture and label yourself as a photographer. Record a cover and call yourself a singer. 

The internet is the perfect platform to fake a life. It’s like a bad reality show. I like to call it „The Biggest Lie“. Everybody can be anything without effort. Tell me if you are that good why you still living the ordinary life?

Like if it was that easy. You can not just choose who you want to be without effort. And change your mind if you feel like it. That’s disrespectful towards others. 

This ain‘t no video game. That’s a life you claim.

That makes us doubt our existence. And seeing fake people get all the hype and thinking they are the real deal, makes me wanna vomit over and over again. 

I can say that cause I see myself as an artist. I respect what other artists do. I see and feel the realness of an artist. Without knowing them. 

At the end of the day, I’m a Blogger first. I try different stuff just to challenge myself. But that doesn’t put me in some kinda category. I just want to know what I‘m capable of. And I see the struggles that come within.

Are you good enough?

Sometimes I do compare myself to others, even when I know I shouldn’t, but there are really good artists on our planet. And ignoring would be ignorant, don’t you think so?

Did you make the right decision?

Well, this is something I ask myself often. Very often. I put my studies beside, to create my life with the talent God has given me. 

I‘m creating my own story, so one day I can tell my children about my fairytale life. And I will let them know that life has no limits unless you’re limiting yourself.

But then my mind reminds me of my past decisions and I fall back and think and waste my time. 

That’s growing up ha? Why did we want to be adults that hard? That’s real life. Mama told me about it, but I didn’t want to realize.

I‘m not always strong-minded and I know it’s not always easy to face everything alone. But I came so far and that on my own. But like I said it is not always easy tho.

I guess that’s just a process I gotta go through. But it bothered me so hard so I wrote it down too.

No matter what you going through in life try to put it on paper, if you can’t talk to someone. Don’t stick it with you. It will kill you slowly. Just express yourself. And make sure you‘re never lonely.

If there’s no freedom of expression, whats the meaning of your life then?

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